I was messing around on twitter today when I came across this quote: "Surround yourself with smart ppl!.. Half of being smart is knowing what youre dumb about!"
I cannot tell you how many tall guys haven't made the cut because they couldn't hold an intelligent conversation with me.
About a year ago, I was at Native, a restaurant in Harlem. My date (who lived in Brooklyn) mentioned how much the neighborhood was changing. I made some comments about gentrification and offered my thoughts on it. Then I casually asked his opinion, since he was a native New Yorker. He replied, "Um, same as you" and went back to his food.
Not that I'm the most brilliant chick in the world, but there is something to be said for mental compatibility.
Have you ever been in a conversation where one of you stops and says "How did we even get on this subject?" That is my favorite! Nothing is hotter than being able to close down a restaurant with a guy because our conversation has wound its way from "how was your day?" to something ridiculous like VH1 reality shows to a random topic like social responsibility. I need a guy that can go there with me. Its not even about being on the same page all the time either, I love guys who are smart in ways that I'm not. Guys who know things that I don't and see the word from a completely different angle. These are the guys that can bring something to the table during any conversation, challenge me and make me think. Hot. Hot. Hot.
I think I look for a mental yin & yang dynamic; different yet equal and my yin & yang grows over time as we both never stop learning from each other and the world.
Anyway, if we're not a mental match we're not a match. Is that too much to ask?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Vote "No" on Proposition PSP
I absolutely love when you guys leave comments on the blog and I definitely take your views, opinions and advice into consideration.
One of the things you all have encouraged me to do is to be more straight forward. Even though I'm dating other people, Robert is definitely still around. As many of you have mentioned I could have saved myself some stress/confusion with him if I had just said what I felt etc.
Two weekends ago, I met an accountant named Thomas. He called me exactly three days later (calculated, much?) and we set up a date to meet up. As we sipped martinis, the conversation shifted to what we were "looking for". I made sure I didn't shy away. I explained that I wasn't trying to get married tomorrow or anything, but that I'd like to "date and see what happens".
He explained that he too was interested in dating, but because of a new business he was starting he couldn't "commit to anything too serious".
One thing I've learned is that when a man tells you something, you should listen.
In my opinion, if a guy is talking about keeping it casual on the first date, there's not much more to say. I politely mentioned that I appreciated when a man was straightforward. I didn't really expect to see or hear from him, but I felt good about putting everything out there.
About a week later, I was on the treadmill when this email came in on my iPhone:
Its so interesting how even when I think I'm being clear and direct, I'm still misunderstood. I never said I wasn't looking for anything serious, I just said I wasn't in a rush. And when I mentioned that I liked the direct approach, I meant that I like when a guy didn't hesitate to express interest. But somehow that translated into a proposition for sex.
I may need to take a break from dating....
One of the things you all have encouraged me to do is to be more straight forward. Even though I'm dating other people, Robert is definitely still around. As many of you have mentioned I could have saved myself some stress/confusion with him if I had just said what I felt etc.
Two weekends ago, I met an accountant named Thomas. He called me exactly three days later (calculated, much?) and we set up a date to meet up. As we sipped martinis, the conversation shifted to what we were "looking for". I made sure I didn't shy away. I explained that I wasn't trying to get married tomorrow or anything, but that I'd like to "date and see what happens".
He explained that he too was interested in dating, but because of a new business he was starting he couldn't "commit to anything too serious".
One thing I've learned is that when a man tells you something, you should listen.
In my opinion, if a guy is talking about keeping it casual on the first date, there's not much more to say. I politely mentioned that I appreciated when a man was straightforward. I didn't really expect to see or hear from him, but I felt good about putting everything out there.
About a week later, I was on the treadmill when this email came in on my iPhone:
Its so interesting how even when I think I'm being clear and direct, I'm still misunderstood. I never said I wasn't looking for anything serious, I just said I wasn't in a rush. And when I mentioned that I liked the direct approach, I meant that I like when a guy didn't hesitate to express interest. But somehow that translated into a proposition for sex.
I may need to take a break from dating....
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Deal Breakers: Height
When I was in the third grade we had weekly "show and tell" in my class. It must have been a slow week because (unlike the time that Mary Verdades brought in her uncles glass eye) there was more "tell" going on and not a whole lot of "show". After hearing random stories about weekends at grandma's house, etc. Sandra Cartel marched to the front of the class and declared: "I think that we should all start drinking lots and lots of milk so that we can grow up to be as tall as Celeste!" then she skipped back to her seat. I looked up, confused and horrified; what did my height have to do with show and tell?
For the duration of elementary school, my body went through a growth spurt that wouldn't quit. I was gaining inches in all directions and by the time I reached junior high I was a 5'10 preteen who was forced to shop at Lane Bryant. Costume fittings for school performances were torture and school dances were awkward because all the boys who I danced with were eye level with my boobs. These were the same boys who would hug all the girls goodbye on a daily basis, taking an brief moment when hugging me to lay their head on "the twins" before letting go.
You can imagine my relief when I got to high school and saw dozens of 18 year old men (aka Seniors) who roamed the halls at 6 feet and above. Once I realized that boys my age came in sizes that were more compatible with me, I never looked back (or down).
As I've gotten older, I've received a lot of criticism about my height requirement from girlfriends, my sisters, even my Mother. The general argument being that by not giving shorter guys a chance, I may be missing out on someone amazing. I totally understand what they're saying but I don't think they understand that its not just about being a tall woman (I could rock the whole Christie Brinkley/Billy Joel look with no problem...) but its about being a tall, overweight woman.
How many times have we seen a big woman with a teeny tiny man and thought to ourselves She would break him in half!?
I can remember doing a production of The Music Man one summer. During a big number the director choreographed a dance break where I dragged my "husband", a 5 foot 5 inch actor named P.J. out on stage, forcing him to dance a two-step with me. Our dance ended with him twirling me around and then jumping into my arms. I would catch him and we would hold our pose with me cradling him in my arms like a baby. The audience thought it was hilarious.
The idea of being a walking punchline makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I can hear some of you now saying "CeCe, you shouldn't be so concerned with what other people think" and you're right I shouldn't. But even if I got over that, I'd still be stuck with how I feel.
I'm going to be totally honest here: As much as I own my life as an independent woman, when it comes to traditional gender roles, I play the part of a female with gusto. Having a man stand tall above me, being engulfed in his arms when he leans down to hug me, all of that makes me feel good. I'm notorious for extended victory dances after beating boys at bowling, pool or cards. But when it comes to wrestling matches, I have much more fun losing. As I mentioned in an earlier post, there's a 99.5% chance that I will be wider than any man I date, so there's a physical dominance that I will grudgingly accept. When I'm with a guy that's taller than I am, a lot of the awkwardness I feel about my size fades away.
So height is a Deal Breaker for me. As many times as I've tried, I just can't get serious about a guy who is shorter than me. Of course when people try to convince me to go against what I'm attracted to I can read between the lines okay, big girl... beggars can't be choosers, you better take what you can get! but I don't see myself budging on this one.
I have a hyper-awareness of my size as it is and I really don't see myself getting into a relationship that brings even more attention to how big I am.
What about you... Could you date a shorter man?
For the duration of elementary school, my body went through a growth spurt that wouldn't quit. I was gaining inches in all directions and by the time I reached junior high I was a 5'10 preteen who was forced to shop at Lane Bryant. Costume fittings for school performances were torture and school dances were awkward because all the boys who I danced with were eye level with my boobs. These were the same boys who would hug all the girls goodbye on a daily basis, taking an brief moment when hugging me to lay their head on "the twins" before letting go.
You can imagine my relief when I got to high school and saw dozens of 18 year old men (aka Seniors) who roamed the halls at 6 feet and above. Once I realized that boys my age came in sizes that were more compatible with me, I never looked back (or down).
As I've gotten older, I've received a lot of criticism about my height requirement from girlfriends, my sisters, even my Mother. The general argument being that by not giving shorter guys a chance, I may be missing out on someone amazing. I totally understand what they're saying but I don't think they understand that its not just about being a tall woman (I could rock the whole Christie Brinkley/Billy Joel look with no problem...) but its about being a tall, overweight woman.
How many times have we seen a big woman with a teeny tiny man and thought to ourselves She would break him in half!?
I can remember doing a production of The Music Man one summer. During a big number the director choreographed a dance break where I dragged my "husband", a 5 foot 5 inch actor named P.J. out on stage, forcing him to dance a two-step with me. Our dance ended with him twirling me around and then jumping into my arms. I would catch him and we would hold our pose with me cradling him in my arms like a baby. The audience thought it was hilarious.
The idea of being a walking punchline makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I can hear some of you now saying "CeCe, you shouldn't be so concerned with what other people think" and you're right I shouldn't. But even if I got over that, I'd still be stuck with how I feel.
I'm going to be totally honest here: As much as I own my life as an independent woman, when it comes to traditional gender roles, I play the part of a female with gusto. Having a man stand tall above me, being engulfed in his arms when he leans down to hug me, all of that makes me feel good. I'm notorious for extended victory dances after beating boys at bowling, pool or cards. But when it comes to wrestling matches, I have much more fun losing. As I mentioned in an earlier post, there's a 99.5% chance that I will be wider than any man I date, so there's a physical dominance that I will grudgingly accept. When I'm with a guy that's taller than I am, a lot of the awkwardness I feel about my size fades away.
So height is a Deal Breaker for me. As many times as I've tried, I just can't get serious about a guy who is shorter than me. Of course when people try to convince me to go against what I'm attracted to I can read between the lines okay, big girl... beggars can't be choosers, you better take what you can get! but I don't see myself budging on this one.
I have a hyper-awareness of my size as it is and I really don't see myself getting into a relationship that brings even more attention to how big I am.
What about you... Could you date a shorter man?
Monday, November 2, 2009
Curvy Conversations: Big & Tall Chicks
Hello,
Im extremely new to your blog! I just found it today! Anyways, I was wondering if you find that being a BBW and being tall (I'm also 5'10) is like a double whammy??? I'll keep reading so that I'm caught up! Maybe you can post some things from a tall woman's perspective???
-StayDreaming
Dear StayDreaming (what a cute name!),
*deep sigh*
Being both plus size and tall is a "double whammy" for sure!
Since there's a 99.5% chance that I will be wider than any man I date, is it too much to ask that he be taller than me?
You're timing is excellent because I've actually been working on a new segment for TBGB called Deal Breakers. It will begin this week and the first Deal Breaker up for discussion will be... Height!
So... Stay Dreaming and Stay Tuned!
xoxo,
CeCe
P.S. We haven't had a Curvy Conversation in so long! I miss hearing from you guys... if you have a question, comment or want advice email me: nycece@gmail.com
Im extremely new to your blog! I just found it today! Anyways, I was wondering if you find that being a BBW and being tall (I'm also 5'10) is like a double whammy??? I'll keep reading so that I'm caught up! Maybe you can post some things from a tall woman's perspective???
-StayDreaming
Dear StayDreaming (what a cute name!),
*deep sigh*
Being both plus size and tall is a "double whammy" for sure!
Since there's a 99.5% chance that I will be wider than any man I date, is it too much to ask that he be taller than me?
You're timing is excellent because I've actually been working on a new segment for TBGB called Deal Breakers. It will begin this week and the first Deal Breaker up for discussion will be... Height!
So... Stay Dreaming and Stay Tuned!
xoxo,
CeCe
P.S. We haven't had a Curvy Conversation in so long! I miss hearing from you guys... if you have a question, comment or want advice email me: nycece@gmail.com
Friday, October 30, 2009
Faith 21 Contest & Promo Code!
Ever since I've been on Twitter (twitter.com/thebiggirlblog) I've noticed something...
I have some of the cutest readers!
I see the profile photos of some of my followers like @minordetail, @vercar and so many others who give PSP's and Curvy Girls a good name and it makes me happy to know that there are so many of us out there who aren't afraid to express ourselves through fashion.
It looks like Faith21 (The plus size line from Forever 21) is taking notice of that too, because they're doing a search for The Most Stylish Gal!
To enter, just submit a photo of yourself in your most stylish ensemble that includes a Faith 21 item and you could be on your way to Los Angeles to show them how PSP's do it! (Hurry! you only have till 11/18/09)
1st place:
-Model in a photo shoot with Faith 21
-Airfare and hotel accommodations for two to Los Angeles
-$500 Shopping Spree at a Faith 21 location
2nd Place:
-$400 Faith 21 E-Certificate
3rd Place:
-$250 Faith 21 E-Certificate
Enter to win here
(Use the Code FAITH21CONTEST to save 10% on any order)
I have some of the cutest readers!
I see the profile photos of some of my followers like @minordetail, @vercar and so many others who give PSP's and Curvy Girls a good name and it makes me happy to know that there are so many of us out there who aren't afraid to express ourselves through fashion.
It looks like Faith21 (The plus size line from Forever 21) is taking notice of that too, because they're doing a search for The Most Stylish Gal!
To enter, just submit a photo of yourself in your most stylish ensemble that includes a Faith 21 item and you could be on your way to Los Angeles to show them how PSP's do it! (Hurry! you only have till 11/18/09)
1st place:
-Model in a photo shoot with Faith 21
-Airfare and hotel accommodations for two to Los Angeles
-$500 Shopping Spree at a Faith 21 location
2nd Place:
-$400 Faith 21 E-Certificate
3rd Place:
-$250 Faith 21 E-Certificate
Enter to win here
(Use the Code FAITH21CONTEST to save 10% on any order)
A Plus Size... Prince? (Part 2)
Andrew and I had plans to grab drinks last night and I as much as I tried, I could not get excited.
Part of me felt like I was going out with Andrew in order to prove something to myself. I felt like I was forcing myself to go out with someone that I wasn't attracted to. Andrew wasn't ugly or anything, but I couldn't get past his size and I felt horrible about it. I mean, how many guys have missed out on amazing girls (example: me) because they wouldn't consider dating someone who was overweight.
As a PSP, does the fact that I don't like big men make me a hypocrite?
I sat at the bar sipping a glass of Shiraz when Andrew walked in. Maybe it wasn't the fact that he was overweight that bothered me. Perhaps it was how he carried his weight that was the problem. He had an apologetic way about him; with shoulders slumped down, a gut that pushed through his shirt and the way he walked or rather schlepped across the wine bar to meet me was a huge turn off.
"Hey," he said casually as he pulled up a bar stool beside me.
No hug, no kiss on the cheek.
I took a deep breath and struck up a conversation, asking him about work, his drive into the city (he lived upstate), and anything else I could think of. Eventually the conversation turned to the other girls from DIVAS who he'd been out with.
"They've been cool," he said, "but none of them were as hot as you."
From the way he looked at the ground when he complimented me, I knew he meant it. It was sweet. I tried to get past appearances and look inside to see who Andrew really was and if he was someone that I wanted to get to know.
I still had work in the morning, so we headed to his car so that he could drive me home. When he pulled his car in front of my building we sat there for a while saying the obligatory "I had a nice time", "we should do it again" etc., then there was a lull in the conversation.
"Can I kiss you now?" he said, looking straight ahead.
I was so on the fence with him, that I was willing to try anything to feel butterflies.
"Sure," I replied.
He unbuckled his seat belt, and leaned across the car to kiss me. It was a nice kiss, but the only thing I felt was an increased determination not to be a hypocrite. How could I ask men to look past the physical, if I wasn't willing to do the same? Perhaps this was just a self serving experiment, but when he said:
"Can I call you tomorrow?"
I said:
"Sure."
Part of me felt like I was going out with Andrew in order to prove something to myself. I felt like I was forcing myself to go out with someone that I wasn't attracted to. Andrew wasn't ugly or anything, but I couldn't get past his size and I felt horrible about it. I mean, how many guys have missed out on amazing girls (example: me) because they wouldn't consider dating someone who was overweight.
As a PSP, does the fact that I don't like big men make me a hypocrite?
I sat at the bar sipping a glass of Shiraz when Andrew walked in. Maybe it wasn't the fact that he was overweight that bothered me. Perhaps it was how he carried his weight that was the problem. He had an apologetic way about him; with shoulders slumped down, a gut that pushed through his shirt and the way he walked or rather schlepped across the wine bar to meet me was a huge turn off.
"Hey," he said casually as he pulled up a bar stool beside me.
No hug, no kiss on the cheek.
I took a deep breath and struck up a conversation, asking him about work, his drive into the city (he lived upstate), and anything else I could think of. Eventually the conversation turned to the other girls from DIVAS who he'd been out with.
"They've been cool," he said, "but none of them were as hot as you."
From the way he looked at the ground when he complimented me, I knew he meant it. It was sweet. I tried to get past appearances and look inside to see who Andrew really was and if he was someone that I wanted to get to know.
I still had work in the morning, so we headed to his car so that he could drive me home. When he pulled his car in front of my building we sat there for a while saying the obligatory "I had a nice time", "we should do it again" etc., then there was a lull in the conversation.
"Can I kiss you now?" he said, looking straight ahead.
I was so on the fence with him, that I was willing to try anything to feel butterflies.
"Sure," I replied.
He unbuckled his seat belt, and leaned across the car to kiss me. It was a nice kiss, but the only thing I felt was an increased determination not to be a hypocrite. How could I ask men to look past the physical, if I wasn't willing to do the same? Perhaps this was just a self serving experiment, but when he said:
"Can I call you tomorrow?"
I said:
"Sure."
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Guest Blogging on LuvinMyCurves.com
This has been a whirlwind month for TBGB. Two of my posts have been featured on other writing projects/blogs and now... I'm guest blogging on LuvinMyCurves!
When Ms. LMC asked me to be a guest blogger on LuvinMyCurves, it was like Gwen Stefani was asking me to sing on her album.
Ms. LMC has an amazing blog for any PSP who is (or wants to be) fashionable. She's the first blogger that reached out to me when I started this project and she doesn't know it, but... I consider her my Blog Mentor. She's been there for me in countless ways personal and blog related and I'm inspired whenever I'm around her.
So hop over to her site to read my piece "Does He Have a Fat Fettish?"
Add her to your favorites and follow her on twitter: @luvinmycurves
When Ms. LMC asked me to be a guest blogger on LuvinMyCurves, it was like Gwen Stefani was asking me to sing on her album.
Ms. LMC has an amazing blog for any PSP who is (or wants to be) fashionable. She's the first blogger that reached out to me when I started this project and she doesn't know it, but... I consider her my Blog Mentor. She's been there for me in countless ways personal and blog related and I'm inspired whenever I'm around her.
So hop over to her site to read my piece "Does He Have a Fat Fettish?"
Add her to your favorites and follow her on twitter: @luvinmycurves
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